How Self Love Has Helped Me Be A Better Mother

Being a mom is probably one of the most overwhelming feelings I’ve ever had. Constantly wondering if I’m doing motherhood right. Do any of you moms out there feel that way? It can be very mentally and physically stressful at times.

From time to time I cry because I wonder whether or not I’m doing a good job at this. But I always try remind myself that I’m doing the best I can. However, recently I’ve been kinda’ moody, feeling very stressed, and tired. Very irritable sorta speak.

The other night I had insomnia, and usually when this happens I just hate life lol. If anybody gets insomnia, you know how that can be. Not fun. This time though I layed there, stared at ceiling, and then turned to Leya. I realized that these past few weeks I’d become comfortable with just being a “zombie” mom. Meaning I get up, get dressed, dress her for school, go to work, come home, give her a bath,  feed her, do some work rather than spend time with her, brush her teeth, put her to bed, repeat. 

I layed there hating myself because I realized that I really haven’t been the best mother I can be lately. If you’re a full time working mom like me, you might understand that sometimes it’s easy to fall in to that routine. Children don’t just need clothes, shoes, and food. They need love, endless love, attention, play time, conversations, interaction, etc. I’m not saying that I ignore her, because I honestly don’t. We have built such a strong amazing relationship over the past three years, but I noticed that when some thing stressful is happening in my life, I just shut down. I fall in this emotionless pissy routine.

As I continued to lay there, I knew the only thing left to do was change. Be more conscious and aware of her. How I talk to her, how I treat her. Leya is the most precious person in my life and I never want to feel like I’ve hurt her, especially at such a young age. So, I sat up and  began to write down my flaws, and things I knew I wanted  to improve on.

  • Being patient. If you’re a mom and you’re reading this, you know patience is key. I know I’ve mentioned this before but I feel like this keeps being a reoccurring challenge for me. I get inpatient easily at times and just end up losing my marbles. 98% of the time, I regret it immediately and end up apologizing to her. I realize that instead of possibly going off, I can just turn to her calmly and ask her to stop whatever she’s doing that’s making my patience hang by a thread. Yes, I know that doesn’t always work, and sometimes we find ourselves saying “stop it,” “don’t do that,” “come here,” 600 times but trust me at least at the end of the day you won’t feel horrible about it. Kids will test your patience every single day but there’s ways to go about it in a stern but still affectionate manner.
  • Don’t let external issues out on her. Life just happens all at once sometimes, and it’s hard! Sometimes when things don’t go as planned we’re just looking for someone to blame, and I’m guilty on letting somethings off on her. What I’ve found works best is to just walk away. If we’re at home, I’ll play her favorite show on TV to occupy her and get a few minutes to myself to breathe it out and cool off. Sometimes you just need a second to recoup.
  • Rethink how I talk to her. Sometimes, she’ll misbehave or act up and I’ll say things that are not meant to be hurtful but to a toddler they may come off that way. For example, I would question her and say, “why would you do that?” or “why aren’t you listening?” She would glance at me confused, wondering what she did that was so wrong. The answer is nothing. Nothing, because she’s a three-year old toddler who doesn’t fully comprehend why you don’t spill juice on the couch. That got me thinking, how am I supposed to boost her confidence if I don’t speak to her in a positive and encouraging manner? The way I speak to her has such a huge impact on her evolvement, her self-esteem, and her confidence. It starts at home. It starts with me. So now, instead of questioning her, I explain to her why she shouldn’t do certain things. Kids are little smart sponges and they understand if we just take the time to explain it to them.

Ok, now that I’ve realized what I need to work on, how do I change that? Where is it stemming from? How can I keep it from happening?

Well recently, one of the mom bloggers I follow on Instagram, whom I actually grown to admire so much, shared about how it’s important to realize and accept that everything starts with yourself. Self love is so important because you simply can’t act with love or care or have positive things to offer if you don’t love yourself.

Setting aside a few minutes in your day to reflect, acknowledge what you’re going through and how you’re dealing with it, and most importantly what are you doing about it. Sometimes us moms forget a little about ourselves, because all of our time, focus, and energy goes to our children. Which is totally normal. We become a bit self less, but we can’t forget to love ourselves. We have feelings and all sorts of emotions flowing through us from our daily routines that need to be let out as well. Whether you’re a stay at home mom or work part/full time.  We need to love ourselves and put ourselves in good standing first in order to be the best we can be to our children.

Self love has taught me that being frustrated, angry, and annoyed are emotions we are allowed to have. It’s how we choose to deal with them. Now, I will ask myself what is really making me feel this way? I acknowledged it and now I can vent about to a loved one or even in my journal. At that point, I feel more relaxed and in a better mood, and do what I can or need to do at that very moment, but peacefully. Self love is REAL my friends, and we need to embrace it for our sake and our loved ones.

Xo, Guadalupe ♥


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