There’s days when I wake up and I want to change something about myself. Today it was my nose, yesterday it was my eyebrows. Tomorrow it may be that I wish my lips were fuller. There’s always something that I wish was different about me. It’s so easy to find flaws in who we are, isn’t it? We seek “improvement,” to make ourselves prettier, so that in turn we can feel better about ourselves…
Fact is, improvement and wanting to change yourself, are two different things. Wanting to improve yourself is doing a healthier lifestyle, improving your daily activities, or even improving the way you think about yourself. I realized that what I had been seeking was to change who I am.
For a very long time, up to actually just a few days ago, I’ve had a thought in my head that I couldn’t possibly live my life with the breast size I am. By the age of 18, when I realized that my breasts were not going to get any bigger, I made up my mind that I wanted to do breast augmentation. I had all these ideas in my mind of how my life would be so much better, how my clothes would fit and look so much better, and how I would feel so much better about myself with a boob job.
I had this idea of how I was supposed to look and I felt so strongly about it that it almost made me mad for not being that way. I would question why I wasn’t pretty enough? Why wasn’t I “gifted” with bigger boobs, or fuller/thicker brows, or a slimmer nose? Why weren’t these things I so desperately craved just there?!
Getting a breast augmentation has been on my mind for years, but all these other things started sparking in to my head and within the past few months. About three nights ago, I had a dream that made me snap out of this crazy, unrealistic fantasy I was in.
In my dream, I had gone to L.A. with my mom to meet a doctor about finally getting this boob job I had so desperately been craving. Suddenly things shifted… I was crying, my mom was crying and she kept saying I told you we shouldn’t have done this! I told you we shouldn’t have done this! All I can really remember is telling her that I was in a lot pain and I wish I would have listened. You guys, it was a very frantic and scary dream. It was so real. Those dreams that you try to wake from and just can’t cause’ you’re sucked in for dear life? Yeah, that type of real.
I talked to my mom about the dream yesterday. My mom has never turned down my illusion of getting a boob job, but she’s also never been too good with advice. However, through our conversation, she said, “Lupe, I support you, I just don’t understand why you want to change who you are?” I didn’t know what to say. What should of I said? Because I’m not “attractive” enough? It honestly hit me like a bucket of cold water. I realized that she’s right. Oh my god! She’s so right! I am me for a reason. God created me like this for a reason! For a second, it was as if the stars of my life all aligned. I finally understood and that this is ME. I am a woman, that currently wears a size 13, with small breasts, with thin brow hair and gosh darn it I am beautiful! This is who I am and how I was created, and instead of finding ways to change myself all around I should be embracing ME!
Now a days, we’re surrounded by such a harsh and strict world built on fake philosophies and appearances. Girls on social media being seductive expressing how much they love their bodies, yet seeking someone to remind them they’re beautiful. But when did the words seductive and beautiful become the same thing? Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. God created us to be beautiful inside and out and to express our beauty no matter what we look like. I hate that every day it’s being built more and more on girls with unrealistic figures.
I’m not bashing plastic surgery. We all have the right to do what we wish with our bodies but, I start seeing an issue when society starts building standards on unrealistic figures. I spend all day on my phone, especially on Instagram, and I see it every day. I know we all do. And to be completely honest, Instagram got me, I started getting all these unreal expectations of how I should look and how those things would make me happy. But it’s a lie!
After all this, I learned a few things and decided to take action on others.
Here is what I decided:
- I will not change myself or any bodily part of me. I accept myself for who I am and for who I was created to be.
Here’s what I did and will continue to do:
- Unfollow people. I know this subject can get touchy, but you guys… it’s ok to unfollow people who bring you down, or influencers that you find yourself comparing to and feeling bad for not looking like them. Influencers should uplift you and motivate us to be a better version of OURSELVES.
- Remind myself I am enough. I am beautiful just the way God created me.
- Pray and continue to pray. The power of a prayer is greater than anything. Praying to God, when I’m feeling lost, uneasy, or unsure of something always ends up bringing me the peace I needed.
Remember, you carry so much love in your heart…give some to yourself.
Xo, Guadalupe ♥