Hey hey hey! We’re officially doing this! I’m so excited to have taken the leap of faith and worked up my nerve to drop all my ideas in a jar and just spontaneously pick one. When I saw this topic was pulled out of the idea jar, I was immediately very nervous. I have to be honest, I get really scared of judgement when it comes to being a mom. I mean judgement is scary and hurtful when it comes to anything in life, but something about motherhood that really hits home. Do any of you moms out there agree?
So here’s the topic: How to be a good mother even when you don’t feel like it.
When I wrote this idea down, I must of felt guilty of something. I’m always talking about finding that balance, and how I still don’t feel like I’m fully there as a mom, and here we are almost 4 years in (girrrl.) You’ll always hear me say that I need more hours in the day, and man I still wish that could happen. It’s quite challenging working full time (and with such a far commute), picking up your kid from either daycare or a family members house, cooking dinner, bath time, etc etc. Where I’m going with this is that 99% of the time, I want to get home and not do anything. I just want to lay in my couch. Or bed. I don’t want to cook two meals because she’s a picky eater and won’t eat what I do, I don’t want to drive anywhere else but straight home because I’ve already spent an hour and a half in traffic, I almost don’t want to get off the couch to get in the shower myself, you get where I’m going with this.
That makes me feel incredibly guilty and like a bad mom.
Well, if you’re reading this and you’ve felt this way too, let me be the one to tell you that it’s normal. It’s normal for the simple fact that we’re human. Just because we feel a certain way doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to. Yes we’re mother’s, but we also have feelings. You have a right to those feelings. There’s tip #1. What I do when I’m starting to feel frustrated, or that “ugh, I don’t want to do this today” is acknowledge those feelings. I ask myself, ok why am I feeling like this? What can I do to fix it? Can I even fix it? When you acknowledge what you feel, it gives you that time to process it and realize what steps you need to take to out your best foot forward and try, even when you don’t feel like it.
#2. Communicate, even if you had the roughest day. There’s days I get yelled at work pretty consistently, or I’m absorbed into my phone, or maybe I didn’t get good sleep the night before, but the funny thing is… ,my daughter doesn’t care about that. So how can I be present when I really don’t want to be “bothered.” The answer is to just tell them. In a very nice manner of course. Communicating with your kids is so important because they understand. So for example, I’ll say: “Hey muffin, can we just lay down and watch a show today, mommy doesn’t feel too good.” Or even better let them help you feel better. 99% of the time, they will tell you they want to help! My daughter knows I love my back scratched so when I tell her I’m tired or not feeling to good, she’ll offer to scratch it. Don’t sugar coat it, just be honest.
#3. Take out. When in doubt, McDonald’s it out. Dinner can be a hassle and time consuming. And right now that is hot, girl. It’s practically hell in the kitchen. Bad days happen, so chicken nuggets for a night won’t hurt and mom, just get the cheeseburger too.
#4. Distractions. I think about this and I laugh because, my sweet little girl just has this ray of positivity. When I don’t really feel like interacting as much, I’ll give her little distractions or mini tasks. I’ll always start with the, ‘clean your room task, because I mean duh, we don’t want to do it lol. If that doesn’t work, I’ll shift to paintings or drawings. I’ll tell her, to make me a huge castle or rainbow and that will usually keep her occupied for a bit. From time to time she’ll come back and ask me what other drawing I want but usually by then I’ve had a several minutes to unwind and just relax for a bit so I’ll say, “This one looks amazing, let’s hang it up in the fridge!”
Essentially you’re just buying yourself some time to recoup that energy and keep going. They don’t know it was a distraction, they just know they made something amazing that you feel proud of. Win, win.
All kids are different, and all kids have different needs. And of course things are different when they’re small babies or when they grow. I think it’s important to find those little tools that benefit us moms, mainly for our sake lol. Being a parent is a life time commitment. A well worth one, but man it’s one hell of a ride.
If there’s something I want you to remember out of everything I said today, is that you’re important too. Your feelings matter, you have a life aside from the one you share with your children, you matter. If you have to use little loop holes to survive this journey we call motherhood, then go for it girlfriend!
Till’ the next post!
Xo, Guadalupe ♡