Hi friends, happy Tuesday! We’re officially back to the grind and I must admit that I’m not ready. I definitely enjoyed my long weekend, spent a lot of time with family which is a bit rare for us given that we all work and our schedules are so different. Anyway, I wanted to share with you all my experience with therapy.
First let me begin by saying that it was not easy. I contemplated on going so many times. I always made so many excuses as to why I didn’t need go. You know that, “I’m fine” saying. Even that Saturday when I finally gathered up the guts to go, I still questioned it. I still felt “fine.” The thing is that I’m really not. I didn’t really understand why I was a certain way or why I allowed certain things to happen, why I didn’t have the courage or the attitude to do things if I was raised differently. At first I would tell myself I was weak and that would really hit hard for me. So I would try to sweep everything under the rug, put my game face on and just keep moving forward. Definitely not the right thing to do, or the healthiest.
There’s a lot of things I still don’t understand and can’t explain about myself and I that’s why I decided to go. It’s hard to open up about this to you all, and to a complete stranger but right now, at the present moment, I don’t think I really know who I am or what I’m doing with my life. I mean, yes I know what my goals are and what I want to do with my career, but this is more internal. My thoughts, my relationships, and being a mom. I just feel a lot of uncertainty within myself and what I really have to offer.
I’ve been through a lot, from my childhood to now and I realize now that I need help. That I was giving from an empty cup for years and that I need to stop pretending that I’m ok. I can’t just keep sweeping it under the rug because it’s ok to seek help. You’re not meant to do it alone! I finally understand that now.
Let me end this post by just giving you a few details of where I’m going, payment and such…I’m going to PsyCare. My therapist is a woman- older and so incredibly nice and welcoming. I feel so comfortable with her and it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be to talk to her. We’ll see as sessions go on but she did call me out on so many things I didn’t even realize I would say or express in a certain way… definitely need that.
PsyCare is a third party chain that’s connected with Kaiser so my insurance does cover it, I only have to pay a co pay.
I can’t wait to share more of this journey with you all and all the great lessons. Vulnerability is hard and it may seem impossible or even wrong but it’s not. Being vulnerable expresses who you are, your feelings, emotions and your bravery to be honest about what you’re feeling or going through. It’s such a relieving and freeing feeling!
If you have any questions or just want to chat please don’t hesitate to reach out! I’m here for you!
Till the next post!